Wa-Wa

(This is second of four essays that I had been meaning to write about my Thailand/Malaysia trip. These were essays that were just too good to fire off quickly. And since I have a bit of free time, I thought I'd work on them. Hope you enjoy.)



I sink in a leather recliner with my feet up. Matilda is working on my toes. That's not her real name, but it helps me through the foot massage.

The recliner is in a massage parlor in Jalan Petaling. As this is my first full day in Malaysia, I have no idea what this area is like. I had spent a week all over Thailand prior to arriving; A week filled with foot massages. Glorious foot massages. My feet had never felt more alive. But this isn't Thailand, and Matilda is caressing my right heel. I close my eyes and sigh. This place isn't so bad. I get can used to another few days of this...

As I open my eyes, Matilda pauses to look up at me. She winks. That's odd. Is this Malaysian custom? Lonely Planet said nothing about the locals being this friendly. Matilda goes back to work. I steal a glance. To put it gently, she is not attractive. She should be pushing carts at dim sum. That doesn't matter. As long as she can make me feel at peace, I'm fine with this.

She stops working and stands. She spreads her arms wide open. "Full body!" She exclaims. She winks again. I'm concerned, but I'm too relaxed. Why give my feet all the pleasure? My back aches, my neck is stiff and my arms are tense. I nod my head. Full body, indeed.

Matilda leads me up a flight of stairs that creak with each step. She leads me into a dim room, separated by dividers. She gestures for me to take off my shirt. Really, my shirt? I don't remember doing this in Chiang Mai. Are you sure this is really necessary? Don't I just put on a robe or something? Matilda continues her gesturing, so off comes the shirt. She winks, and I start to crave shrimp dumplings.

After 15 minutes of rubbing my back, Matilda takes a step back and asks me to remove my shorts. Hold on. Now I KNOW this sort of thing didn't happenin Phuket. Matilda gestures some more. In the adjacent room, a man and a woman breathe heavily. My mind wanders. I feel a chill. Matilda has succeeded in removing my shorts. I don't even remember taking them off for her.

I feel a tug. Matilda is going for the briefs, but the money belt is preventing her. She laughs as she undos the belt. She kisses my ear and whispers, "Wa-wa?"

I snap out of my daze. Wa-wa? What the heck does that mean? Is she asking if I want a glass of water? Does she want an extra hour to massage me? Is she offering steamed buns? I freeze. I don't want to know what wa-wa is. Not now, not ever. I spill off the table as I pull up my briefs. "NO WA-WA! NO!"

Matilda stares back in horror. The heavy breathing next door has stopped. The entire parlor is silent. I fish for some ringgits in my money belt before fastening it back on. Matilda is confused. "No wa-wa?" She asks, as if nobody has ever refused her wa-wa. "No. I'm done." She shrugs and returns my sandals, along with a handful of grape chewy candies for my troubles.

I step out of the parlor, into the sunshine. I stop at an outdoor Chinese restaurant. I sit waiting for my fried rice, making a note to myself that if anyone should offer me wa-wa at some point, to run. Run like hell.