Part One: "My God, I'm in Europe!"
(Snapshot: Outside Knightsbridge Station, across the street from Harrod's. An Indian family is on my right chatting about who knows what. A couple of college students from the U.S. reluctantly approach passersby, asking them to fill out a survey for class. We instantly strike up a conversation with them. They tell us about Amsterdam, saying "The whole place smells like pot." My heart skips a beat. I decide to bust out the iPod. I choose the title track to Blur's "Parklife", the quintessential London album. As I bounce along to Damon Albarn, I reflect on my time in London town...)
The first day in London, I met Big Ben. He's gigantic. As I came out of the Westminster Tube station, the first thing I saw was good ol' Ben. And it's a this point where I realized, "My God, I'm in Europe!"
On our first day in London, we went on the London Eye (this huge ferris wheel type contraption which allows to see London in all its drab and gloomy splendor), saw a show (Footloose. Good stuff...), and flipped out at how expensive everything was. Actually, there was a lot of flipping out throughout our time in London. Just browse through Harrod's, which I guess is their version of Macy's, or something like that. The prices seem reasonable, until you realize that the pound is worth like 500 times more than the dollar. I did purchase a stylish looking bookmark with the letter E engraved in it, and 6 pieces of rolled Turkish Delight. I think their combined value was $300. But I'm guessing.
...I'm also kidding...
Day Two was spent doing typically touristy things on a double decker tour bus. We saw more of Big Ben and Parliment, and visions of National Lampoon's European Vacation, one of my favorite movies growing up, danced in my head. Our tour guide even referenced the movie!
We went inside Westminster Abbey, saw London Bridge, visited Buckingham Palace (sadly, the Queen was NOT available for a visit). We went down Picadilly's Circus, Trafalgar Square, and various other landmarks. We took tons and tons and TONS of pictures.
(TMI ALERT!!!! The next pic will either make you LOL, or throw up in your mouth. Don't say I didn't warn you...)
(Ready? Let's continue...)
And of all the pictures we took, this is my favorite one:
Yes, my favorite memory of London is squatting over a pile of horse dung. For the record, everyone thought this was a good idea, and I was only one foolish enough to pose. For all I know, those are the Queen's horses that left that pile of crap there, and by mocking the Royal Horse Dung, I may have committed a terrible offense, thus barring me from the United Kingdom forever. Ahh, but what a way to go!!
The third day gave us a pleasant suprise (no no no, I don't mean more horse crap.) Turns out there was a soccer stadium close to our hotel, so we checked it out. It also turns out that the team that plays there is Chelsea, two-time defending English Premier League Champions. It also turns out that Chelsea is my favorite English soccer team. Why, you ask? Because they wear the color blue, and I like the color blue. That's it. Seriously.
So I was expecting to take pictures of the stadium and that would be it. We ended up getting a full tour of the stadium, the press room, the locker rooms, the actual soccer field, and the Chelsea Museum. Talk about getting more than you expected! We were also blessed with a wonderful tour guide. I think his name was Mark. But he called himself Elvis. I really don't know why, because he looked NOTHING like Elvis. I guess he called himself Elvis because he had long sideburns. Shoot, if that's all you need to call yourself Elvis, then call me ElvisBruin. But I digress...
*Look at the BLUE!*
And just like that, our three days in London were up and we all boarded the Eurostar to Paris. London is a wonderful city, bustling with life, rich in diversity and history. It also costs an arm, a leg, and who knows what other appendages, to buy simple things like...a Big Mac.
Fun times indeed.
Part Two: "How Many Shots of That Thing Do We Need?"
(Snapshot: The Eiffel Tower on an overcast and drizzly late afternoon. Upon seeing it for the first time, like Big Ben's Clock Tower in London, I am overcome with the realization that yes, we're in Europe. But more importantly, we're in The City Of Lights. Romance Central. Gay Paris. Tourists pose in front of Paris' most notable monument. The Gang and I are no exception. As I ponder why this landmark suits the French well, I meditate on the beauty of this wonderful city...)
Coming into Europe Trip, I only wanted to do three things in Paris. One, see the Eiffel Tower. Two, visit the Louvre. And three, sit outside a Cafe while pretending to be French.
Our first day was dominated by The Phallus (I'm calling it that from now on. Feel free to sub in "Eiffel Tower" accordingly). The Gang and I took pictures of it from all angles. Why? I don't know. I mean, how many shots of that thing do we need? But you have to admit, there is something mesmerizing about it. Maybe it's cause it's so famous. Or maybe it's cause it resembles something that makes us giggle like schoolboys and schoolgirls. And you wonder why French guys are so, ahem, romantic.
Day two, God blessed us with a near perfect day, weather-wise. Hardly a cloud in the sky, it was a great day to take a tour boat down the River Seine to see Paris in all its splendor. The Louvre, Notre Dame Cathedral, The Orsay, The Phallus, and countless others. And the history of each landmark told in no less than five languages. Sadly, no tagalog.
*Do you see a running theme here...?*
As we sailed down the River Seine, I couldn't help but notice how BEAUTIFUL Paris is. From the architecture, to the landscaping, to the cute little streets that wind this way and that, this city is gorgeous. I recommend Paris to anyone, and more so if you have a special someone to bring with you...
This cruise (at a cost of 8 Euro, was quite the steal), was followed by a trek to the world famous Louvre, where I was dumbstruck by beauty. Not by the Mona Lisa, nor Venus Di Milo, but by this stunning Asian woman who served at the Sandwich Shop within the Museum. Sadly, I didn't take a picture. But I'll tell you, I nearly melted when she spoke in her delightful French accent. Unfortunately, I was served by the totally unattractive French-speaking Asian guy standing next to her.
But going back to the Louvre. It's friggin' huge. Not only that, it's hot, stuffy and crowded. I tried following an audio tour that I downloaded from The Traveling Guru himself, Rick Steves. Sadly, the people at the Louvre must have known, because they switched a bunch of the exhibits around, rendering the audio tour a ball of confusion. One thing they didn't switch was The Grand Galerie, headlined by that mysterious Mona Lisa, which is where nearly everyone flocks to upon entering. Mona Lisa isn't anything particularly special. You kind of have to study it for some time to grasp it's beauty, so Rick says. I guess he has a point. However, I didn't have time for an art lecture, so I left. Oh, and if you didn't know, you can't take pictures of the Mona Lisa, but you can take pictures of Venus Di Milo, so...
*Artistic or scandalous? You decide...*
Day three was spent touring Le Musee D'Orsay, which houses Impressionist paintings by Monet, Manet and Van Gogh. The Gang LOVED the Orsay, compared to the crowded and stuffy Louvre. This was followed by strolling down the Champs D'Elysses, a must for tourists, if only for the people-watching and shopping. But all I wanted to do on this last day in Paris was the last thing on my list; Sit at a Cafe and pretend to be French. And by that I mean, sit by myself, sip a cappuccino, and glare at passersby with equal parts indifference and disdain. I did manage to sit at a Cafe, except it wasn't really a Cafe...
And I didn't really sip a cappuccino...
Next thing I knew, our time in Paris was up, and we boarded the train to Amsterdam. But unlike Paris, where I wanted to do three things, there was only one thing I wanted to do in Amsterdam...
Part Three: "What's in a Space Cake?"
(Snapshot: The Bulldog Cafe on the Leidesplein. The Bulldog is one Amsterdam's most recognizable coffeshops. It is our last full day in Europe before getting on the plane back home. To celebrate, I enter the Bulldog and order three Space Cakes; one for me, and two for the rest of the gang. As I wolf down my space cake, I think back a couple days before to the first time I walked in The Bulldog; as a naive American tourist with visions of brownies dancing in my head...)
"Excuse me?" I sheepishly ask the bartender, "What's in a Space Cake?"
"What did you come to this country for?" He instantly replies, as if he's heard this question from thousands of inquisitive tourists before. "Did you come for tulips and canals, that sort of thing?"
I'm confused as how to respond to this, so I slowly nod my head. "Not drugs, then? Well, I guess I can't help you..." He turns to the next customer, and this is the point where I realize that if I don't do anything now, my chance will slip away.
"I came here for POT!" I blurt out. The bartender turns back to me and grins, as if I've said the magic word. "There you go! That'll be 6 Euro." He hands me a prewrapped Space Cake, which contains 0.2 grams of "Zero Zero", which I guess is their fancy name for weed. The cake, which kinda looks like a muffin, comes with a small slip of paper, saying that Space Cake should be eaten with caution, and that it is advised that those who aren't familiar with pot should not eat Space Cake. As I read this, I'm nearly done consuming my 6-Euro treat.
The slip of paper also says that it takes 30 minutes for the effects to kick in. So I wait. I didn't know what to expect. Would I laugh uncontrollably? Would I have a moment of clarity? The only thing that happened was that I got really really thirsty. And I had the munchies. And I was a little tired. Aside from all that, nothing much happened.
The next Space Cake, however, knocked me right out. So did the next two. Don't worry, I didn't have them all at once. I had one per day, except on the last day, when I had two.
Such is life here in Amsterdam, where the smell of pot indeed fills the air. The Bulldog is one of many (and I do mean many) "Coffeeshops" in this charming city. Yes, they actually do sell coffee and tea, but they also have a Cannabis menu. Obviously, these coffeeshops attract all sorts of people. But then again, who ISN'T drawn to Amsterdam?
Amsterdam has two sides; the charming side, with the beautful canals and architecture, the art muesums, and such. And then there's the seedy side, primarily consisting of the Red Light District. The Red Light is pretty much everything you'd expect. Half naked girls of all races and types (and some might not even be girls) are confined in glass booths illuminated by a flourescent red light, using their talents to lure horny guys of all races and types. It's almost as if these girls aren't real. Until you try to take of picture of them, then they fling open the door and yell out, "HEY! DO YOU WANNA SWING?!" That usually drives the photographers away.
Lest you think that all our time was spent in the seedy side of Amsterdam, getting stoned and looking at prostitutes, here of some attractions from its charming side to definitely check out:
- The Anne Frank House: One of the must-see attractions. The actual house where Anne Frank and seven other people hid from the Nazis for two years is now a walk-thru museum. Lines are HUGE, but we got there fairly early.
- Canal Boat Ride: This is great way to tour Amsterdam. Grab a pedal boat, and navigate your way down the canals. Although it can be terrifying when you face oncoming boat traffic. Also, try not to get lost. Unless your calves need a workout.
- Van Gogh Museum/Rijksmuseum: Two wonderful museums full of Dutch Art. Especially worth checking out is Van Gogh.
- Fries stands: I LOVE the fries in Amsterdam; More than the fries are the numerous sauces that you can dip the fries in. Although I found the regular "Frite Sauce" tasty, everyone else thought it was kinda gross. Oh well. But this is my favorite Fries stand in all of Amsterdam:
That's right, it's my good friend Manneken Pis! You can imagine how elated I was to find this. But seriously, the fries here are great, as well as the 21(!) different sauces to choose from.
- The Heineken Experience: Lastly, if you're ever in Amsterdam, The Heineken Experience is worth checking out. For 10 Euro, you get a tour of a Heineken Brewery, as well as taking part in several interactive games (like making your own Dutch Karaoke Video. Trust me, it's AWESOME), also you get three glasses of beer (or soda, if you prefer.)
I prefer beer.
And just like that, our trip was over. We boarded the plane for the long long (LONG) flight back home. It was definitely an eye-opening experience, full of lessons learned and other observations, which I'll get to in the near future.
But just remember; in Amsterdam, don't be afraid to ask for the Space Cake. Ask with confidence, and enjoy...
And now, I'm ready for Peru...
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